The Drill
by xoc13
Summary: Only Stephanie can make a bad day look easy.


**I've had a weird week. First, I got stranded in the middle of the freeway. I was literally driving on the middle lane when the car died. The steering wheel and pedals locked simultaneously and had it not been for some fast thinking I wouldn't have managed to make it safely towards the right shoulder. As if my van going to car heaven wasn't enough, yesterday I was helping my mom throw out the trash at her work and somehow managed to get some gooey stuff all over my right arm. And if that wasn't enough I slipped and fell on one knee. After all that, it got me thinking that I've had a week worthy of Stephanie Plum. So, this oneshot came to mind. **

**Disclaimer: The Plum universe belongs to JE. **

I've had bad days, but they've mostly billed me in the form of acid reflux. And more often than not, they have to do in great part to one of Cupcake's messes. I swear that woman gets into more trouble than I ever did as a teenager. That's saying something, because I wasn't out of one mess before I managed to stumble into another one while I was growing up. But that's in the past. I've managed to put myself to good use as a cop. I'm good at my job, meaning I've never had a day like today. Nope. The day I had today is worthy of my once on again off again girlfriend, Stephanie Plum.

My day started off very typical. I got a call in the middle of the night about a body by the river. As soon as I got out of bed I stumbled, stubbing my toe on the foot of the bed. Muttering several curse words of choice, I grabbed the pair of jeans and T-shirt I discarded when I went to bed. Not wanting to waste time, I stopped at a 7-Eleven on my way to the crime scene and bought myself a large cup of coffee. Maybe I pissed off someone in the heavens because I spilled the hot liquid on my lap as I backed out of my parking space.

Thankfully the rest of the drive towards the crime scene was uneventful. I was grumpy from lack of sleep and caffeine, but that was as bad as it was at that moment. I grumbled greetings as I was directed towards the body. The stench reached me as I was making my way down to the embankment. I lost my footing, rolled the rest of the way down and somehow managed to fall face first into the water. I wish that getting soaked was as bad as it got, but of course it wasn't. My legs brushed against the remains sometime during my fall and now I had some of the victim caked on my jeans.

I was the laughing stock of the station and on top of that I had to surrender my jeans because there was evidence stuck on them. Lucky for me I had a pair of old gym shorts in the back of my SUV. When I say old, I mean they were stiff after simmering in sweaty juices since god knows when. Yeah, definitely not my day.

Taking a well earned break, I decided to go home to scrub off and get into some clean clothes. Luck seemed to be on my side once again, because the entire drive back to my house was uneventful. When I swung into the driveway and cut the engine I couldn't help but wait for the next horrible thing that was to come. I must have sat in the driveway for way too long because the front door opened and my family walked out to greet me. Smiling, I wrenched the door open and angled out.

"Oh, Daddy!" My little girl scrunched up her face in disgust, stopping dead in her tracks a good ten feet away from me.

"Jesus, Joe." Cupcake copied her mini's stance, right down to the scrunched up expression. "What is that smell?"

"I had a little accident." I waved it aside, wanting nothing more than for this day to be over. "I can't stay." I told my wife that as soon as I washed up I had to get back to the station. When I made a move to go inside the house, Cupcake shook her head at me.

"You're not tracking whatever_ that_ is inside the house." Cupcake told our little girl to take care of it.

My daughter rolled her eyes in a perfect impression of her mother as she signaled for me to follow her. "Come on, Daddy. You know the drill."

Reluctantly, I followed the tiny version of Cupcake as I grumbled my protest. "Yeah, I _know_ the drill. But usually you're hosing _Mommy_ down."

S&R- _Stephanie's_ POV

"He don't look too good." Lula said as she squatted, probably to get a better look at Morelli's unmoving form.

"Call 911." I said to Connie as I too squatted to take a closer look at Joe. The girls and I were having our morning coffee and donuts. I was in the process of selecting my second donut when Lula spotted my latest skip, Johnny 'The Dash', dashing past the front of the bonds office. Since he's been giving me considerable trouble, I put down the box of donuts and rushed outside. I didn't believe I would catch him, but it wouldn't hurt to try. I bolted out of the office, hit the sidewalk and ran as fast as I could. I was about a half a block away when I bumped into a solid wall of muscle. I must have rammed the man with considerable force, because we both went down to ground. I landed on my hands and knees, but the man hit the back of his head on the sidewalk. It was a pretty hard hit, good enough to scramble someone's brain. Once I stood and got a good look at the man I realized I recognized him.

"Help's on the way." Connie's voice shook me out of my internal musings.

"He's coming to!" Lula rose as I got closer to Morelli's face.

"Joe." I spoke softly, so as not to startle him.

He stared at me with a goofy expression as he tried to focus on my face. "Cupcake."

"Yes, I'm Stephanie." I said, placing a hand on his chest to stop him from sitting up.

"No!" Joe sat up, shoving me away from him. "Our child will _not_ hose me down in the backyard!" He groaned, quickly tumbling back down.

"Wow!" Connie shot me a puzzled look.

"White girl, you preggers with his kid?" Lula looked as surprised as I felt with Joe's comment.

"Of course not." Joe and I have been over, truly and definitely over, for months now. Our last fight felt finite. Well, at least for me it did. I haven't had any contact with Morelli up until now.

Thankfully, the ambulance showed up and we moved away so the EMTs could do their job. Once Joe was loaded onto the ambulance, I hobbled back to the bonds office to grab my shoulder bag.

"I'll call you later." I said to Connie and Lula before making my way out of the bonds office.

I was hobbling my way towards my car, an old red Jeep Cherokee model, when a black Porsche parked behind it. I heard the passenger door unlock before it swung open. Without protest, I slid onto the seat and closed the door.

"Babe." Ranger greeted as he pulled away from the curb. I didn't have to ask, because I knew we were going back to Rangeman.

"Hey." I smiled weakly as I leaned against his right shoulder. The unmistakable scent of Bvlgari and Ranger reached my nose and I closed my eyes to better savor the moment. I must have dozed off because the next time I opened my eyes we were in the underground garage and Ranger was cutting the engine.

"You're bleeding." Ranger stated.

"What?" I straightened and shot him a puzzled look.

"Your knee." Ranger tugged on the rip on my jeans.

"Oh." I looked down and sure enough there was blood staining the denim. Making it brief, I recounted the encounter that led to it.

"Babe." He kissed my temple before opening his door. "Let's go take care of this." Ranger tapped his fingers just above the rip.

As I angled out of the Porsche it hit me that I'd willingly follow him anywhere. "Yes." I looped my arms around his left one and leaned against him as we made our way towards the elevator.

**In case there's confusion the first part with Morelli was his confused dream. **


End file.
